over 3 years ago

Just something I decided to amuse myself with.

Waking Up in the Morning

Pre-Baby, Idealized

You open your eyes and find yourself in the embrace of your sexy men. As your head is resting on his strong, well-defined chest, you can feel the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat. You let out a content sigh and drift back to sleep.

Pre-Baby, Reality

You wake up and find that your partner has stolen the blanket during the night. You're cold. And the cat is sitting on your face.

Co-sleeping Mom with a < 1 yr old

You are suddenly awakened by the scream of your baby. The creature has awaken! You keep your eyes closed hoping to catch just a few more precious minutes of that sweet sweet sleep. Desperate, the baby climbs on top of you, puts her drooling mouth OVER YOUR NOSE and licks it. You scream in terror and wake up. Another hell day begins.




Flirtatious Encounters

Pre-Baby, Idealized

You exchange looks as you both stand in line for coffee. He smiles. You smile. Finally you strike up a conversation while the line moves along. 5 minutes later, you have both a tall soy double shot latte in hand and his facebook.

Pre-Baby, Reality

You tried OK Cupid, then Tinder, then Coffee Meets Bagel. The world is full of miserable, single, lonely, and non-attractive single men. All the good ones are gay or married but child-free.

Post-Baby as a Mom with a < 1 yr old

You exchange looks. You exchange smiles. Damn he has such a charming smile! You just can't get enough of those gorgeous eyes, beautiful lips, and smooth skin. And he is definitely in to you. You look up and ask the man pushing the stroller in which he's sitting in and asks: "He is sooooooo cute! How old is he?"




Movie Night

Pre-Baby

After a satisfying, romantic, and very expensive dinner, you walk hand-in-hand to the movie theater, sit down and enjoy the show.

Post-Baby as a Mom with a < 1 yr old

What are you talking about?




Sex

Pre-Baby, Idealized

It starts with some slow, romantic french kisses, then gradually both of you lose all your clothing as you move into the bedroom. As the shot moves to behind the curtains (because this blog is PG-13), the lights dim, and we are left to our imaginations.

Pre-Baby, Reality

This is a PG-13 blog. You know the reality.

Post-Baby

What are you talking about?

Oh...right. That thing you did that resulted in this screaming creature that is clinging on to your boobs. That thing you get to do if and only if (a) the baby is asleep (b) you are not asleep (c) your partner is not asleep (d) there is no more laundry to do.

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